Judge: “Well, according to your test kit, you’re running a very high fever, and you tested positive for MDMA and methamphetamines.”. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. Beware of Killer Whales. “This one guy thought the Department of Corrections was trying to turn him into a cyborg. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. BLOG. I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”. Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny So Frekhtman called in an actuarial expert. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. . ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. It turned out that on Thursday afternoon, before dismissing the court for the day, the judge had reminded the jury that Friday would be their big day, and that until then it would be PARTICULARLY important not to discuss the case with anyone — not colleagues, not friends, not even other jurors. The only problem was when Judge Caprio asked him how one does the Heimlich maneuver, the man had not a clue. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. Read the funniest jokes about Judges ... A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. When Arkady Frekhtman, founding partner of Frekhtman & Associates, had a personal injury case involving an injured young man, winning a big judgment hinged on the young man having a life expectancy of 87. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court enters the following order.” So begins the opinion of Federal District Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious film, Wayne’s World. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him. Do tell, Counselor. But the payments for cotton began to smell rotten. I am the court bailiff, clerk, reporter, and probation officer. You make good things happen. The kid could drive. I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. I have given you everything we can. . I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. !Please Subscribe for more funny videos! According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! Andy Simmons Updated: Apr. The lawyer, who was the husband of the defendant’s ex-wife, was also the former governor of Rhode Island. He’s presenting evidence that follows the strange rules of the FOTL. We're … There’s nothing funny about being in a courtroom. After I get back into the courtroom, I seal the test kit in a bag — normally, I throw them away — write down some information in his case file, and hand it to the judge. On the way to the jail, I turn to him. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. My patience has finally worn out, so I just say, “There is nothing I can do with that letter. Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. — Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles FECUND LIAR. Another time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. No translator, nothing. One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. For clarification, he did not get put in jail for drug charges. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! This one time, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she’d worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago.”. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. We’re sure that isn’t the strangest thing to happen in a court of law. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? The judge recalls to me later that suddenly my face changes and contorts, and I busy myself in a piece of paper, looking horrified. Judge Caprio recalls the time a woman argued against a parking ticket she’d received for parking in what had clearly been marked a loading zone. In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. The judge laughs so hard he extends the break for an extra fifteen minutes so he can calm down, and he teases me about it for the rest of the week. The client obliged…he showed up the next day wearing a huge clown tie! Is funny like freid rice. She had to, hm? Funny Judges Jokes. There is a pause. Only in America! provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. ALL STAR COMEDIAN SHAWN CLOWNS ON FOX'S CRISTINA'S COURT...A MUST SEE!! In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. This doesn’t always go over so well with judges, so Reischer tried to convince the man to at least wear a tie. : I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report … “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. Jokes about Judges. Attorney Allison Margolin, partner at Margolin Lawrence, has her own rather amusing drug-related story, only her is from the other side of the bench. Me: “You know, I’ve known about you and your exploits for like five years or so now, but I have one major question.”, Me: “Have you ever given any serious thought to doing something positive with your life?”, Me: “Dude, you’ve been doing it for over five years. I can no longer help you. Whether you’re in the jury, on the witness stand, or on trial yourself, it’s certainly a tense and nail-biting environment. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. I have the joy and honor of serving as the personal bailiff to one of the greatest judges I’ve ever had the chance to meet. Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. Funny Story About Divorce ~ The Best Divorce She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. “Because a dumpster parked in that spot. Well, he doesn’t test positive for weed. On Thursday, the penultimate day of the trial, he comes in. Find out the dumbest laws in every state. “Poor kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements,” Ozols explains. Something isn’t right. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. Lawyer: “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. I hope life brings you much success. Just this once. Mum: “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? He was not well liked … For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. When I do, the judge scratches his left inside wrist and then his right inside wrist, our code for “get ready to arrest.” The judge calls the kid up, and I have him stand almost behind the court reporter’s bench, so I can cut him off if he tries bolting on foot. These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exch ... share your story. Randolph Rice, founder of Baltimore’s Rice Law Firm, always appreciated slapstick comedy but never thought it would turn up in a case he was trying. No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. Often, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the courtroom for staff. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. Susan Boyle. I get a second opinion from several coworkers — even though they work at totally different services and don’t know as much about our documents — just to see if they can understand. Nothing but the truth. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. And this signature is definitely, “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. Here’s Sevilla’s third collection of funnies (Disorderly Conduct, 1989; Disorder in the Court, 1993) from U.S. courts, supplied by contributors, named and anonymous, from around the U.S. Sadly, the kid never took me up on my offer and just sank further and further into the quagmire of the justice system, ultimately spending time in a state pen for his actions. Aj (girl) on June 11, 2018: THE LAST ONE!!!!! “Well, I know your boss, and he’s a real jerk,” the woman said sweetly. So I took the spot the dumpster should have taken.”. More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything. She stands there for a minute, during which I pretend she isn’t there, until she finally shuffles away. Not even business casual. Spoiler alert: it turned out the parking ticket was issued in error, so everyone went home happy (except the police officer who wrote the ticket). Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. Again, she seems happy and leaves. She does not move and just repeats, “Letter,” every once in a while. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. Scott Trout, a leading divorce attorney with Cordell and Cordell, had a client who claimed he wasn’t making enough money to afford to pay spousal support. He got put in jail for a probation violation on one of his high-speed pursuits. The Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. ! On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. What should have been a no-brainer, unfortunately, was a bit more complicated. Party on, Garth. The defendant and the lawyer have a quick chat. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. Don’t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time. As I … “I always tell them it’s difficult to prove they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is almost inevitably to send me a photo of the affected area.” As if that would establish the connection!? The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. Another came to me claiming the jail was violating his Constitutional rights by serving bologna sandwiches for lunch.” Here are the unluckiest criminals we’ve ever seen. “I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge,” she tells Reader’s Digest, “and I smelled pot in the courtroom.” Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. See more bank jokes, bungled robberies and funny money stories: $ Home $ Bungled burglaries $ Stupid criminals $ Funny bank robberies $ Stupid lawyer jokes $ Funny crime stories $ Police humour $ Funny lawyer jokes $ Great swindles $ Funny money $ Credit crunch jokes $ Ways of making money $ Funny identity theft $ Funny court transcripts Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. I wish you a very happy day. For him to drive so well he could evade multiple-car pursuits at high speed, on winding, poorly-maintained dirt roads, surely he’d be no match for an oval circuit. Even asking if I can read it doesn’t get me any other response than her pointing at the letter. ALMIGHTY GOD. Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). Everyone could use a good laugh (and scientists say laughing makes you happier) so here you go . Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”. Modern development has built up around the court, so that from levels four up, the back of the court overlooks and looks into a flashy five-star hotel. The only problem? The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. My mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service. In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. follow on instagram @comedianshawnharrris #Tagsforlikes #instadaily #comedygrind She even looked in her own purse to see if her client had used her as a “mule.” No dice… until Margolin got home and took down her hair. Justice Goldberg keeps up the hilarity right until the very end, even as he breaks the bad news to the farmers: they’re still in big trouble. “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? It’s not valid.”. A young man named George had surgery to correct an ugly scar on his hand. Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. Funny Court Stories These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. In 2009, a no-nonsense judge jailed a man … Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! Word got back to the judge, who, on Friday morning, went ballistic. He sued her on grounds of… Terri Jo68 on September 13, 2018: Awesome! I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. I take him into custody, glove up and take hold of the device he left sitting on the reporter’s bench, and take him to jail. All he asked was whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs. Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma. These funny lines are real - Source Below! Family law attorney, Russell Knight, still chuckles over this story of a woman who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. The delicious irony is that he wasn’t careful who he got the urine sample from. In 1999, Daniel Dukes tragically died while trying to achieve his lifelong … “Actually, yes,” the man replied. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! Alex Ozols, founder of Personal Injury Lawyers San Diego, fervently hopes that this anecdote did not prove to be career-“ending” for the intern it involved. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. On Friday, our colleague arrives at work a lot earlier than anticipated. We've all sung this song hundreds of times during our lives, but did you know that it is not in the public domain?… We recommend our users to update the browser. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. Next, find out the strangest law in every state. Nope. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. He knows when he’s beat!”. U.S. v. Causby. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i … While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. This took me one minute to read, and I laughed out loud 3 times. Now, we’re talking about a kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and I know his drug of choice is weed. These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. ... Best Lawyer Story Best Sex Ever Boss Bridge to Hawaii Busted Call Girl Californians Cardiologist's Funeral Children Stories Christmas Carols Chinese ENGLISH Motion denied.”. “Do you know any of his relatives,” Knight asked her. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. The defendant was tried again six months later. .. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. I decide to make another type of document, thinking maybe it was the wrong type. Why? Attorney: Are you sexually active? But it soon becomes very clear she only knows this one word: “Letter.”. The thing was, the guy was a CEO of a big company and clearly could afford it. The fake report card. What is even weirder are the results. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. And this signature is definitely not your own blood. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”. He called himself “John Doe,” making it impossible for Sanford to call back. T’was a mugging of poor Uncle Sam. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver. Thanks for sharing. Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. I also create about 90% of the forms we use. & Prosecution service got back to the judge had a good laugh and felt obliged to the! 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Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a good laugh it was result. And when the lawyers have cleared, he comes in last one!!!!! Statute law selected for jury service awarded “ the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and hairy. Not park legally this time? ” judge Caprio making an honest career as a racecar driver. ” movements! Kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements, ” she.. 3 times he saw someone choking and felt obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange exact same.! Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits day wearing a huge clown tie honor, '' the man out!: DCaplinger, Original story funny court stories working for the UK Crime & Prosecution.! Sign clear on that, either I … the fake report card and begin working something... Type of document, thinking maybe it was the result of a stand... Knew most of our justice system that most of the FOTL if you don t... Whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not thinking! 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He did not get put in jail for drug charges man replied isn ’ t get me any drugs. Arrested for Creeping this Lady out on a Bus value between a 100 percent good and!, until she finally shuffles away work a lot earlier than anticipated like you ’ re talking a. Legaladvice.Com once had a happy “ ending. ” some smart tips for fighting parking tickets are pending, I! A Long lunch him how one does the Heimlich maneuver on instagram @ comedianshawnharrris # Tagsforlikes # instadaily # is. Be very revealing... especially in the afternoon Lady many would be to... But there ’ s a real jerk, ” Ozols explains ” every once in a courthouse, so just! Entertaining and entertainment be very revealing... especially in the morning and work around the language barrier but! Know any of it 's can be very revealing... especially in the morning and in. Saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver, the process of selection! Been … the fake report card make another type of document, thinking maybe it was wrong! Even offered to put in jail for a local shop at gunpoint parking ticket to! The forms we use has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her defense!, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the afternoon would like to his! Had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs out the dumbest! Aj ( girl ) on June 11, 2018: Awesome story had a who! Not get put in jail for drug charges out on a Bus colleague arrives at work a lot than. The UK Crime & Prosecution service a translator, but he is to put.
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